Me, on Accepting Myself.
Growing up, young, Black, and woman. I, like majority of us, struggled with the idea of understanding who I was. from my curl pattern, to the complexion of my skin, down to my figure, I always wondered why I was made a certain way that to me, didn’t seem to fit the “ideal” standard of beauty. as for many of us our idea of beautiful in a way stems from the white ideal that has been subcounciously placed in our minds since the day we were born. It was Black, which I did not aspire to be. Though I woke up everyday and seen it's who I was.
I was 14. I went through a 5 month period of sorrow or “dark cloudy period” as I now describe. I was hurting, never felt good enough for my friends, never good enough for my parents and at some point I realized I didn’t feel good enough for myself. I didn’t feel that what I had to offer the world was something I could be proud of. I felt I wanted to be more, more than what I appeared to be.
I woke up one day, alone. In my thoughts, at my house. I jumped in the shower, got out and I stared in the mirror. looked my body up and down for a few moments. I began to cry, cry hard tears. Painful tears, doubtful. I cried because I was crying, I cried about how empty I felt. how unfulfilled I felt about myself.
this was a point in my life that I did not comprehend, really, anything about who I was. I let out hurtful thoughts into the atmosphere. and then I decided to say:
Kardeisha, you are enough.
now, I realize on that day I made the best decision as a Black woman.
I had a long look in the mirror and a conversation that led to me believing that I am who I am and I must accept me. whoever I am, I decided I could not apologize for it. I had to just, be me.
when I look back, as a Black woman in a world that wishes to tell me we aren’t good enough, telling myself that I am enough was the best decision I’ve ever made.
anyways, I hope that makes sense to you.